BEER TALK: Fall TV Lineup Edition

BEER TALK is a recurring feature where two experts give commentary on the most pressing issues facing the world.  Mark (left) and Wyatt (right) will be asked to address 5 questions while having a beer.

If you have an idea for a topic that warrants its own edition of BEER TALK, tweet your suggestion to me @mattprivratsky with the hashtag #BEERTALK

(For this post, MARK was having ‘Leinies and working on politics’ while WYATT had ‘just crushed a sixer of Summit Oktoberfest (WHICH BTW IS A GREAT BEER), just started watching ‘My Boys’ which is from ’06)

1) What shows do you have to see every week?

WYATT – The only show I HAVE to see EVERY week is “Finding Bigfoot”. There are a litany of reasons why I need to see this show every week. Lets begin: One, it is not on Netflix or Hulu or any of those things, which means you need to catch it when it’s on. Two, BOBO, (if you don’t know who that is then this article is not for you) the drinking game I play to this show. Three, I believe in the Squatch. Oh, the drinking game, here are the rules I play by

  • drink everytime someone says “Squatch” (it’s a lot)
  • also drink when Bobo stands in for the Squatch
  • or when they claim something is a fact. (Here’s a fun FACT nothing on ‘Finding Bigfoot” is fact)

MARK – While I agree with Wyatt on the greatness of that show, it is just not available enough for me (can’t watch it online, etc).  By the way – Anthony Swarzak is brave to take such a strong political stand on the squatch (just google ‘Anthony Swarzak bigfoot’).  My show is “Suits”.  Is it cliche that a guy who looks great in a suit likes a show about guys in suits?  No, it just makes sense.  Suits is about lawyers in NY and it is fantastic. It includes weed, lying, good hair, jokes, music, men, women.  If you aren’t sold by now, just know that it airs on USA.  Are you a soviet? “Get off my plane!”

2) Are there any shows you just aren’t keeping up with (blatant Kardashian pun)?

MARK – First things first.  I do keep up with the Kardashians. As tweeted by me earlier this summer, Kim Kardashian said she can smell cavities on people’s teeth, and she was referring to Lamar Odom’s teeth.  Either I was lucky with that one episode I watched, or I REALLY need to start watching that show.  On the real, I have pretty much lost touch with most shows except for the gun show, which means I still look at Wyatt’s pictures to see his huge biceps.

WYATT – Mark, I’m flattered. That is all. I’ve got a pretty tight show rotation. If I miss or lose interest for like 2-3 consecutive shows, or if there is a long hiatus, I’m out (i.e. 30 Rock, Mad Men, American Chopper….. wait what?).  Have you seen the promos for the new season of American Chopper? Sr. and Jr. are going to try and make up; I cannot wait for that drama! O.K. I’m back in on American Chopper.

3) If you miss a show the night it premiers, where do you go to catch up on episodes you missed?

WYATT – Let’s see…Hulu (DUH). Where else would you go to watch TV….. the TV? An alternate to Hulu is Netflix but unless you are cryogenically frozen it’s just a waste of time to wait the three years it takes to get them to pick up a show. They just got Cheers which debuted in 1982, just sayin’. The alternative to the alternative is a time machine (which all of us involved with the time travel party (TTP) knows does not exist in our lifetime.

**ASIDE: Ok I just started watching “my boys” some how im on the third ep and feel like this is based on the life of Michele BEadle, love it. Pretty sure this scene just introduced email on phones… YIKES. Not so subtle product placement for Potbelly sandwiches, me likey.

MARK – Hulu, DEFINITELY NOT ILLEGAL WEBSITES. I also watch on-demand because I currently live in a world of great tv, because I don’t pay for it. Soon i will be responsible for my own tv and will have to watch re-runs of the cosby show.  I also like to follow the twitters to hear the twitter’s version of the previous night’s shows.  It’s 2012, TV episodes take way too long.  Everyone now gets their entertainment from the twitters and the blogs (wink).

4) If you had to watch one reality TV show this fall, what would it be?

MARK – I have already committed to ‘Married to Jonas’ ( (full disclosure, I was in a Jonas Brothers cover band called “the Bogus Brothers”) Kevin Jonas is a true underwhelmer, and new wife is even more underwhelming.  This makes for ironically good TV.  Kevin’s parents are really christian people from Jersey who happen to care way too much about their 20 year old sons’ money.  Her parents are loud Jersey Italians.  Shockingly it’s less entertaining than how I just described it.  (P.S. Kevin Jonas needs to wear jeans made for people older than disney musicians)

WYATT – Not sold on Jonas. Too boring. Speaking of New Jersey, guess who just had a baby that is just waiting to be exploited for piles of cash? Yes I’m pitching a reality show focused solely on Snooki’s baby who I only refer to as Booki (baby Snooki)*.

  • Episode 1: Snooki holds a competition to find a nanny, it’s judged by J-WOW, they end up with a “juice head gorilla nanny”, Booki is not pleased.
  • Episode 2: Snooki and Booki go to Gymboree, Booki is not pleased.
  • Episode 3: Cross over episode with 16 & Pregnant (hopefully Bentley is involved).
  • Episode 4: Godfather Vinny teach Booki to mack on girls and make chicken parm, Booki is pleased.
  • Episode 5: Booki has the sniffles, Snooki tries home remedies including pickle juice, drama and hilarity ensue.

*Mind you this is all hypothetical, but just more than likely this exact scenario is in the works over at MTV, and I want full credit for this when it does happen. The show is called “Snooki & Booki”. PATENT PENDING. Intellectual property of Wyatt C. Nolan.

5) Who’s your favorite TV character?

WYATT – Maybe the hardest BEERTALK question yet. There were a lot of people in for this: Fraiser, Newhart, Lucy, anyone from any FX comedy (excluding ‘Testees’), also anyone on the Beverly Hillbilies, Jack and Locke from ‘Lost’, but all this is beside the point. The greatest character in all of TV is and always will be HOMER J. SIMPSON. Try and dispute it; you wrong.

MARK – Can I just say Wyatt almost unanimously picked characters who belong in the garbage except for the ‘Lost’ characters.  Homer Simpson?  It’s not 1993 and we aren’t 11.  I have to pick my boys from ‘Suits’.  Mike Ross and Harvey Spector.  Let me just bandwagon a bit and pick the dad from Modern Family, Michael Scott, Manny from Modern Family, Billy Baldwin as a guest star in 30 Rock, Stephen Baldwin from Bio Dome, Steve Bushemi from Big Labowski, my character from the video game ‘Elder Scrolls: Oblivion’.  What was the question?

If you have a topic that would make a great BEER TALK, tweet me your suggestion @mattprivratsky with the hashtag #BEERTALK

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